Deciding to be childfree is a significant choice deeply rooted in personal experiences and reflections. Choosing to be childfree often gets labeled as selfish, but for me, it’s really about being thoughtful and responsible. I know that bringing a child into the world means making a serious commitment to their well-being, and given my own experiences, I’m not sure I could provide the environment they deserve. So, I see my choice as a way to be true to myself and still care about the future, rather than being selfish.

For me, the decision comes down to five key reasons that resonate deeply with my values, experiences, and vision for the future. Here’s a glimpse into my thought process and why I’ve chosen this path to embrace the childfree lifestyle.

1. Breaking the Cycle of Mental Illness by being Childfree

One of the main reasons I’ve chosen not to have children is because of my experience with ADHD. Living with this condition has given me valuable insights into mental health. The thought of possibly passing on ADHD to a child is a big concern for me. While I’ve learned to manage my symptoms, I know that not everyone is privileged to do this especially if you live in the Philippines. Therapy and medications are expensive. I often wonder about the impact of my mental health struggles on a child’s life. I’ve seen how genetics play a role in mental illnesses, and the thought of a child facing similar challenges is frightening for me. I want to ensure that if I choose to nurture and support a future generation, I can do so without the added concern of them inheriting my struggles.

2. The Current State of the World

The state of the world today is undeniably chaotic. Economic instability, environmental concerns, and social unrest create a backdrop that feels increasingly daunting for new parents. The thought of bringing a child into a world filled with uncertainty is intimidating. I often find myself questioning if this is the right environment for a child to grow and thrive.

3. Investing in Myself

Coming from a background with a troubled childhood, I often felt the weight of unmet needs and desires. My childhood experiences of being neglected have instilled in me a desire to prioritize my own well-being. Rather than allocating my resources to raising children, I want to invest in my personal growth, travel, education, and hobbies that bring me joy which I was deprived of when I was a child. I believe that by nurturing myself, I can lead a fulfilling life, one that’s rich with experiences and self-discovery.

4. Reflecting on My Upbringing

I often reflect on the complexities of motherhood and the emotional toll it can take. Having a narcissistic mother who loved herself more than her own children, I have realized that not everyone are capable of being a mother. Without a maternal role model, I sometimes struggle with the idea of how I would fulfill that role myself. I want to be the best version of myself, and I fear that I wouldn’t be able to provide the nurturing environment that every child deserves. Rather than risking the potential emotional harm to a child, I’ve chosen to focus on being a supportive figure in the lives of others without the full responsibility of parenthood. Going through therapy, I have learned that your upbringing has a huge impact on how you grow up to be an adult. We all deserve to grow up in a safe environment and have great parents.

5. Health Concerns

Honestly, I’m not in the best physical health and have a history of genetically passed-on illnesses in my family, which raises concerns about how that could affect a child. I often think about the potential risks and challenges they might face if they inherited those issues. On top of that, I worry about the possibility of experiencing postpartum depression, which could add another layer of difficulty to both my life and the life of a child. These factors weigh heavily on my mind, reinforcing my decision to remain childfree and focus on creating a stable and healthy environment for myself.

Challenges of the Childfree Choice

My husband and I made the decision to be childfree together, and it hasn’t been without its fair share of judgment from others. We’ve heard it all—people calling us barren, insisting we’ll never be truly happy without kids, and suggesting my husband will leave me. Some have dismissed us as just “playing house” and questioned why we got married if we weren’t planning to have kids. I’ve even been told that I’m not fulfilling my role as a woman by not reproducing. We’ve faced comments about the Bible’s stance on reproduction as well. It can be tough to navigate these judgments, but we’re confident in our choice and focused on building a life that brings us joy, no matter what others think.

Choosing the childfree lifestyle is empowering for me. It allows me to lead a life that aligns with my values, free from societal pressures. I celebrate the freedom that comes with this choice and focus on personal growth, advocacy, and self-care. I am just content with my dog, cats, and my bird.

I have nothing against people who choose to have kids; if that’s what they truly want, I’m genuinely happy for them! It’s such a personal choice, and I totally respect that. For me, though, it’s just not the path I want to take. I believe we should all support each other in our decisions, whether that means becoming parents or choosing a different route. I hope others can respect my choice just as I respect theirs—after all, everyone deserves the freedom to live their life the way that feels right for them.

Choosing Parenthood or Being Childfree

It’s important to remember that having kids is about so much more than just bringing them into the world. Children deserve to be cared for, nurtured, and supported in meeting their needs; they are not here to serve us or fulfill our desires. They don’t owe us anything simply because we chose to have them. If you decide to become a parent, it comes with a profound responsibility to raise them properly and provide them with the love and guidance they need to thrive. Parenthood is a commitment that requires dedication and selflessness, and it’s crucial to recognize the weight of that responsibility.

For anyone grappling with the decision of whether to become childfree or pursue parenthood, remember: it’s your life, and your happiness is what matters most. Each path is a valid choice, so make sure it aligns with your values and desires. If the childfree lifestyle resonates with you, embrace it fully; if parenthood feels right, that’s just as important. Whatever you decide, live life on your own terms and make it authentically yours.